Mother's Day

Blog from another woman about Mother's Day.
http://www.theologyforwomen.org/2011/05/for-moms-former-moms-and-wannabe-moms.html

It has been a frustrating day in my mind and emotions, a good day on the outside because my husband is so wonderful and we have spent the weekend in Savannah, Ga and I have eaten good food and some very rich chocolate...and gotten in a little shopping! God has spoken in many ways over the past couple of weeks. Today Tony and I were listening to NPR to an interview with the author of "You Don't Look Like a Buddhist." The author spoke of her grandmother who, when the author, as a child, would complain that she wasn't happy, would say "who ever said we'd be happy all the time?" I didn't take it as my excuse to be a sourpus but I like the reality of it. And though I was raised with the same ideal maybe it didn't stick since for the most part I was happy growing up. Not much bad happened in my life as a child or teen, we moved a couple of times and my grandfather passed away but I was less than 6 years old - children are resilient and those things don't affect us the same way as when we are 20 or 30. Now when my best friend's father passed away when I was 21 and that was devastating, not only was he like family to me but it was the first time life really ripped my heart open. I understood life in a different way at 21 than at 6. Now at 31 my heart has a few more scars on it from life, I hope it has not made it calloused but made the good healthy tissue around the scars even more sensitive and compassionate to others experiencing life. Some of those wounds haven't finished scarring, I don't think they ever will completely. I believe, sometimes only in my words but trying always to believe with my heart, that God has a reason for everything. And though it is frustrating life is about bringing glory to God....period. When I look at life from this perspective then there's not so much to say about anything else.
From the link above this stuck out to me: "..believe in confidence that God in this very moment loves you with a deep love. You may feel estranged from Him, knowing that He has the power to give you that sweet infant that He has given so many around you. It seems like He is dangling a desire in front of you, teasing you with it. But understand that unfulfilled desire is a tool He uses to give you even better things – things of Himself that you cannot know in easy ways. Believe in confidence that this time of waiting is not just a holding pattern with no discernible value, but it too is a blessing, albeit in disguise, as it increases your strength to run and not grow weary and to walk and not to faint. Wait on the Lord, dear sister, in confidence."
The "dangling a desire in front of you" hits home. As I told my mother this week, many things that have seemed a perfectly open door have ended up being closed glass doors. Meaning I saw something that seemed like just the right thing but when I got up to it I could see this good plan or situation but I wasn't allowed to go through, the door was closed. And then I realize how distracted I've become looking at that which was through the glass door I've missed the beauty I was already walking in. I do that so often and finally I am to a point that I realize what I'm doing is trying to plan, make my life work out like I want it to....which never happens. I want to release that, I want to wait to make any more moves til God says go.