Pregnancy

Written about 7 weeks after paul was born
Pregnancy-emotions, disconnection, end of pregnancy worry, ready for him to come so stop worrying something could happen, Gods timing and my trust, frustration and finally trusting then the baby coming faster than i knew.
Hard time bstfeediing, pain, not hhaving people here i knew/trusted, taking too much time to find help, not trusting myself/wisdom God gave us thru instinct, not communicating well w/tony/learning, feeling immature/"not smart" - not realizing the important things, not always knnowing where to look for answers - story of my life and sometimes just not looking but waiting for it to be handed to me though i know there is more fullfullment when learn iit myself/put my all into it.
Selfishness, complaining instead of getting help/finding answers, realizing the impact that would have on spouse/marriage/child and deciding to change the game plan
Reading bailiks book and feeling affirmation of things I Felt to be true and bringing to consciousness fleeting ideas that i didnt give time to thought.
Now feeling renewed sense of joy for life , has been building this past week reading bailiks' book. Tho at first some tears b/c didnt trust myself but now tears will still come but not the tears of loneliness, at least not today.